Friendship
Friendship
What Is Friendship?
Mark approaches friendship in a very different way than most people do. Most people have different levels or types of friendships ... but ... they don't give it much thought or consideration. As you can tell by this website, Mark and others around him give friendship a great deal of consideration and thought. Mark believes that Quantum Thinking can be applied to friendships and the four elements to Quantum Thinking ... AWAKENING ~ Ownership ~ Work & Care will produce life long deep friendships.
"You can NEVER solve a problem on the level
on which it was created!"
~Albert Einstein
~Albert Einstein
Hmmm ... are our friends helping us solve our problems, enabling our problems or even creating new problems for us?
What Friendship Level Do You Want?
Mark's fine with you being a friend at any level. He obviously values and invests a lot more into his higher level friends. Ideally the Level 1 friends just hang out in one of the many mastermind calls he has. Mark gives way 97% of all his intellectual property and volunteers massive amounts of his time to many causes he's passionate about. Check out the causes by clicking the button below. Mark believes that friendships are far better, more fulfilling and deeper IF there is something far larger than the individuals he is friends with. Share your passions with Mark ... if you are a good friend ... he will become passionate about those things you are passionate about.
4 Friendship Levels
Level 1You Will Like Mark
Mark is very different than anyone else you've met in your life. He has this weird effect on people because they are drawn to him like crazy.
Mark seems to have the unique ability to see people's true potential ... how amazing they really are. Not amazing like your other friends think you are amazing, but amazing in a way that you feel at your subconscious level, at your very DNA or core.
In seconds of meeting you he can share things about you that will draw you in and you will like him in the most magical way. Yes, you may cry or laugh or even want to give him a huge hug.
Level 2 is complex. The word "Irritate" is a bit soft honestly. Initially it will be that he irritates you ... but then it becomes stronger. A lot stronger.
He will ask questions ... so many questions.
He will email you and include lots of people you don't know. He will say something to you that you won't like hearing.
He will challenge you in ways you have never been challenged and will reveal to you your own heart ... but it will be in a way where you project your heart into his heart.
Level 3You Will Love Mark
This level is ... well ... hard. What's strange about Mark is that if people think he's a jerk ... he actually cares about you a great deal, and if you think he's nice, typically he doesn't care as much. He's just being selfish.
He sees something about you that he's pretty sure could help you ... but he knows that you'll have drama, an attitude and get all "pusty" (pouty + angry) with him and he doesn't want to deal with that so he will go back to a Level 1 and just tell you what you want to hear ... like all your other friends do.
Now, if Mark decides to love you, then he will move to a Level 2, but a higher Level 2 than in the past ... and the word "irritate" will be replaced with "hate" or black out; or something similar.
Level 4Vision's Will Connect
This level ... is one that it seems to Mark is what he thinks of when someone says "I'm friends with you", but he hasn't honestly found any human being to travel at this level with him.
First, one needs to care enough about themselves (which very few people seem to do) to discover their own Life Vision, which takes 20 minutes to do.
~ click here ~
Mark, for the life of him ... doesn't understand why any human being, with 10,080 minutes in every week won't take 20 minutes to discover their life vision?
Do Your Friends Do This For You? :-)
If you want to be friends with Mark Boersma, it seems ... that you must be curious and embrace questions. Even questions you don't like. It's also important to be passionate about ... well ... probably anything, but you must be passionate about something and the more you are passionate about it, the deeper the friendship you will have with Mark.
Humble ~ Curious ~ Ownership
WARNING: Mark is a white male over 50 years old (WM50+) and he has the hardest times being anything more than a Level 1 friendship with this group of people. Why? Well ... Mark thinks that if you are a white male over 50 and you think you are busy and important, are smart, caring and a hard worker or that you are the center of the universe, that people around you should realize this. However, Mark didn't put up with that from his three grand daughters when they were 3 years old, so good chance he will NOT allow you to be delusional as well. Yes ... he already knows why you don't like him ... it's because he won't tell you what you WANT to hear and he won't put up with your whining excuses and your delusional mind. Before you whine to him ... read about his son Jonathan ~ click here ~ and then determine if you still want to complain about how busy or overwhelmed you are.
Friendship Tips
Be Honest!
Mark has social autism. What does that mean? It means if you think that Mark is a jerk, arrogant, narcissistic, mean, abusive ... or anything "negative" just be honest and share that with Mark. Now .. he will want to hug you and tell you how much he likes you. We're serious. He loves people who are honest!
TIPS ...
It's good to have a "mirror" reflex and what we mean by that is that ANYTHING you see in Mark that you first realize that, that same thing is true in you. If you didn't have some level of it within you, then you wouldn't be able to see it in Mark first. Don't worry about "Speaking the truth in love." That seems to be ... maybe a bit "Christianese" ... for "If I think it's unloving then it's your issue."
Lose The Ego!
Not sure how to put this nicely ... hmmm ... if you have ego ... Mark will destroy you. Just saying! Through how he listens to you and the questions he asks, he seems to be able to draw out ego. When it's drawn out, Mark can make anyone feel stupid ... all he has to do is reveal it. Certain genders, age groups, ethnic groups ... certain people with educational levels and/or positions of power and/or respect will use their WORDS to say how humble they are ... and ... well ... that doesn't work so well with Mark. Just saying.
TIPS ...
- Don't disagree with ... well anyone ~ Don't disagree with ... well anyone. Share ... "Your perspective is interesting ... I have a different perspective, I think it's ..." See ... when we "disagree" with someone we are saying we understand what they are saying ... when in fact ... the truth is ... we often don't even know what we are saying or what our words mean ... much less someone else. Just be humble and share your perspective.
- In Arguments ~ If you get into an argument with Mark, seeking to win the argument ... you will lose! Even if you win you will lose. Why? Mark isn't seeking to win arguments he's seeking to discover truth. People have said Mark is a polymath (look it up, Mark had to) so it's crazy the things his mind can connect.
- Be Self-aware ~ Continue to ask yourself WHAT you are really feeling WHY you are feeling that. If Mark said something that hurt you, ticked you off or created any feeling of any type ... "Ask Why."
Do not ever say "I don't have enough time." because that is a lie. We all have "enough" time to do what we were put on this planet to do.
The truth is ... "We aren doing those things which are not a priority."
Do not whine about ... well ... anything. Mark doesn't allow his cute and adorable grandchildren to whine about anything ... so why would he put up with you doing it?
Don't Waste Time ... 7 T's
Mark knows that he has 1,440 minutes in a day and 10,080 minutes every week. Mark has a massive amount of free time ... because he seeks not to waste his time or others.
- 1. Time ~ Friends don't waste the time of friends ... or really anyone when you think of it.
- 2. Talents ~ What talents, gifts and/or skills do you / your friends have? Don't waste them.
- 3. Treasure ~ Friends don't waste money or any material possessions of friends ... or anyone.
- 4. Trust ~ We learn what builds and loses trust within friendships and then work hard to build trust.
- 5. Truth ~ Friends share their perspective of truth and consider what is said. ~ 9 D's To ... ~
- 6. Temple ~ Our body ... are we doing healthy things to or for our body? Friends care enough to share.
- 7. Thought ~ Do we share our thoughts or do we hold back? Which one is true friendship?
TIPS ...
- Why Are You Talking? ~ The truth is that most people don't really know or even think why they are saying something ... people just talk. If Mark asks you "Why are you telling me that?" he's not being a jerk, he's just seeking to know your purpose for sharing something. There are 10 reasons why people talk and it's good to be intentional when you are around Mark. ~ click here for 10 Reasons ~
- If You Think You Know What Mark Is Thinking ... ~ Not to be mean ... but you most likely have no idea what he is thinking. Of course feel free to ask him ... but be prepared for him to say "A lot." It's weird where Mark will ask people what he's thinking and almost everyone ... all the time ... will laugh and say "I have no idea." but then ... they will get upset at Mark for something they think he's saying that he never said.
- Be Careful About Drama ~ See ... Mark did a whole year of drama to study why people use drama and he loves to use drama. Good chance that if you have drama that he will as well. Trust what his wife and seven children say - he can bring on the drama.
- Do Not Blame Mark For Your Feelings ~ Your feelings are ... well .. .your feelings. Mark is a big believer in that we are responsible for our own feelings. He may have more feelings than anyone you have ever met and if you are not in control of your feelings or at least take personal ownership of your own feelings ... well ... that probably won't go so well for you. The video in this area is the first video that his oldest son Jonathan did. If you wonder why Mark's so intense ... check out Jonathan's story and you may have some idea as to why. ~ click here for Jonathan's story ~
- If You Make A Statement ... Say Something ... you are inviting Mark to also share his thoughts on your thoughts so ... well ... be thoughtful. If you want to just do a hit and run (you say something and then don't let Mark reply) that's alright ... but you may not like what happens next. Mark has a pretty large microphone and he has the freedom to not only share what you said, but to actually "give you credit for saying it" and then get it out to the entire world to hear. As a friend of Mark, it's like being in court, where you can put any witness on the stand (say anything you want) and when you put that witness on the stand ... Mark can cross examine that witness.
What If ... I Have Feelings?
Again ... you have feelings ... which is fine ... but they are your feelings, not Mark's feelings ... so own them.
Blackout
People seem to blackout around Mark and blame Mark for this. In brain science, doctors and scientist are learning how the different chemicals, in our brains do different things to us. Check out this cool webpage and video. ~ click here ~
TIPS ...
IQ is supposed to measure one's intelligence, or at least one aspect of intelligence. EQ is emotional intelligence and ... well ... it seems like Mark's EQ is off the charts. He seems to have the ability to spin people's minds in the craziest way which often causes people to blackout. Most of the time it's the white male over 50 who blacks out but it can be others as well. Normally it's because of high ego in someone where Mark has shared something, and the individuals mind does not have the brain synopsis to handle or process it. Be humble and say "I'm in blackout and not able to think now."
You get the feeling that Mark thinks you're stupid, sloppy, lazy, undisciplined and pathetic.
Did Mark Use Those Words?
If he did NOT use those words ... then ... well, those are your own thoughts and feelings and it's good for you to own that and not put it off on your very good friend Mark Boersma.
Did Mark Use Those Words?
If the answer is "Yes" he used those words on you specifically then CONGRATULATIONS you are now a much better friend than most and Mark feels that you are strong enough to handle some level of truth and can figure out how much truth there is and what you should do about that truth.
3 Elements To Frustration
- 1. How much or hard we WORK
- 2. How much we CARE
- 3. EXPECTATION we have
Quicksand
OK ... this is a new one to Mark so we asked him what his thoughts were on this. "Hmmm ..." Mark said "My first thought, is that someone speaks without thinking about what they said and when confronted with a different thought or a question which challenges what they said they start to sink." Mark goes on to say ... "People seem to be very lazy in their thinking and don't really think out their positions very well." What we heard Mark say :-) but he didn't really say ... was ... It's like verbal masturbation where people want to feel smart or feel like what they say is important ... without any work on their part. They want to FEEL smart, important, knowledgeable ... feel something ... but they don't want to BE or DO, they just want to feel it.
TIPS ...
Yep ... not sure we have any tips for this one? Maybe try the statement, "The truth will set us free" and say to Mark ... like his dad once said "Mark, I'm going to share a list of things I have issues with you about and don't want you to respond." :-) Mark was in his late 40's when his dad did this and it was the coolest experience for Mark. Yes ... it did frustrate Mark ... but through the three elements to frustration Mark was able to figure out that his dad did not have anything close to the EQ that Mark had and his dad just needed to vent as he did not have the mental ability to discuss his feelings. It's a cool and fond memory Mark has with his dad. :-) ... OR ... you could say "Mark, I would like to mentally or verbally masturbate and share my thoughts and have you just respond ... 'Wow, those are great thoughts, thanks for sharing. You are amazing!' "
Most people, when they get frustrated tend to work less, care less and lower their expectations. While this does make us feel better in the moment without question ... at a subconscious level we will not feel so good and most normal human beings will seek to blame someone else; often a friend, for them being sloppy, lazy, undisciplined and pathetic. In Mark's world ... he would think of this as being stupid. See below. :-)
Is Stupid A Bad Word?
If Mark used those with a group of people you associate with ... well ... if you get upset or angry, well there's a good chance that it's not only true what Mark said about that group but also about you. Deal with it! :-)
OK ... we all have fallen down the stairs before ... but if we fall down the stairs ... head first ... day after day ... would we say that person "lacks wisdom", is "ignorant", or are they "stupid?"
What Do Words Mean To Us?
Mark LOVES the word stupid and he's fine with people saying he's stupid. He really is. He loves it because then he knows they are caring and loving and not trying to manipulate and that he can learn where he is stupid. Oh ... Mark thinks that most people don't like to be called stupid ... but ... he's now reconsidering it. He is now considering if those who do not like the word stupid may actually like to stay stupid?
Mark Has Found ...
That when other "less strong words" are used, people don't learn.
- Lacks Wisdom ~ To me this is something you say to a small child who is fragile, lacks confidence, is soft and shouldn't really know something.
- Ignorant ~ This is the person who lacks knowledge ... and just doesn't know that you need to watch where you step.
- Stupid ~ This is someone who KNOWS what they should do and doesn't do it OR someone who knows they shouldn't do something and does it.
What Is Stupid?
It seems ... that many people struggle with using the word stupid. Why? Would any of these things be stupid to you ... or does someone just lack wisdom or maybe they aren't so smart or maybe the are ignorant?
- Shooting yourself literally in the foot twice? ~ Hmmm ... so if someone shoots themselves in the right foot due to carelessness, and then does the same thing but does it to the left foot is that stupid? They could honestly say "I've never done that before." Shoot themselves in the left foot, that is. And it's true, they did not. They shot themselves in the right foot so shooting themselves in the left foot is different, it really is. MORAL: It seems some people not only can't learn from the mistakes that others make ... but they can't learn from their own mistakes either.
- SEEING that a friend will hurt themselves and not saying something? ~ Well ... maybe that's not being a stupid friend ... maybe that's just being a selfish friend and caring more about having a friend than being a friend? MORAL: But ... if that's the case ... isn't that stupid? I mean ... if you won't put your friendship at risk for your friends ... then wouldn't you expect them to do the same? Are you NOT acting like a friend then but acting like a stranger? Isn't that stupid?
- Talking without thinking first? ~ This one is really interesting. So how much damage / hurt have we done to others by talking and not thinking first? MORAL: Isn't someone how talks first without thinking stupid? Think about it ... if someone hurts others and continues to do that ... isn't that stupid?
- Not internalize our own stupidity? ~ When we SEE something in someone else's life do you first think, as a reflex how what we are seeing in their lives before we say it and examine our own lives first before we share? MORAL: So isn't it stupid to try to always fix others before we fix ourselves?
- High Ego and not listening to warnings? ~ If someone warns us that if they are around you that they likely will vaporize you and you accept and then get vaporized, isn't that on you rather than on them? MORAL: If we don't head a warning ... then maybe we are stupid and don't blame others for our own poor choices?
- Seeking to control others without first controlling ourselves or lacking self awareness? ~ Do you tell people what "friendship is" seeking to take the best (what we like) of other people, but not the things we don't like? MORAL: Maybe ... just maybe what we like in others is not their best self or the best they have to offer? Maybe someone's best self is NOT what we like about them which we think creates friendship, but what we don't like about them?
Black hole / Wormhole
People tend to give Mark names or say things about him that they have never said to anyone else ... which Mark find's ... interesting ... he's curious about things. ~ click here for what a wormhole is. Wow ... that explains so much in talking with Mark. Yep ... it's like "Speculative structure linking disparate points in spacetime."
TIPS ...
It's alright ... you won't die. Just sit back and allow the chemicals in your brain to enjoy the moment of ecstasis. ~ click here for meaning of ecstasis ~
Am I An Abusive Friend?
"We are something ... that we don't even realize we are. We DO things that we don't even realize we do."
"The short answer is ... Yes"
What do we mean by that? Right? Most people aren't very self-aware so they see how their friends will be abusive to them but won't see how they are being abusive to their friends.
Details ...
Think about it ... "Are you honest with your friends and are your friends honest with you?" Likely not. In the name of "friendship" we don't tell our friends things we see in them. Why? It's because we are selfish and lack the awareness of even knowing this. We "get what we want" out of a friendship ... and then give our "friends" what they want ... which is not ... the truth.
If one believes that "The truth will set you free" then if we don't know the truth we are enslaved. If your friend was in an abusive relationship would you say nothing? If your friend was being held as a slave, against their will ... would you say nothing?
Are you willing to say something to your "friend" which you know may likely end the relationship? Probably not. Why not? Is it because you are selfish and manipulative and getting more from the relationship than you are giving ... so you both agree to not go places which may end the relationship?
Hmmm ... that doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship! That sounds like a co-dependent relationship ... where we feed their ego and they feed your ego and we both become more delusional together and feel like we have something ... that honestly ... we don't have.
It seems like ... at that point then entitlement or complacency sets in? Complacency is where we accept things for what they are. We think that we are being a "loving friend" ... when in fact ... we may be being abusive ... holding our "friend" back from growing ... from being the human being they were created to be. No worries though ... :-) ... they are doing the same thing to us and we're in a mutually abusive friendship and we're both happy with it? :-) or really :-(
If you have ever had a friendship for years ... go bad ... maybe it's due to entitlement?
Are Entitlement & Validation Addictions?
"Hmmm ... I wonder if you see what I see?"
"Why doesn't the feeling last?"
"To Anger?"
What ? ? ?
With friendships ... we often expect (entitlement) that our friends will "be there for us" / "support us" and not only do that but also support us in the way we want to be supported.
Hmmm ... this is starting to get interesting!
There is brain science that actually supports this. ~ click here ~ For example ... "We get a gift from a friend, a friend does something we enjoy, something nice for us ... something special, tells us something that we love to hear ... and what happens in our brains? The dopamine kicks in like crazy and we feel great. Finally ... someone realizes how amazing we are.
When we are hurting ... our friends are there to tell us what we want to hear and the endorphins kick in which make us feel better because we are being told what we want to hear.
If friends are sloppy, lazy, undisciplined, pathetic ... fat / obese, toxic, abusive ... we won't tell them that. Why? Hmmm ... because they might not be our friend any longer ... OR ... maybe it's because if we call them out on their "stuff" then we fear they will call us out on our stuff?
Did you watch the "addiction video?" Did you connect the dots? Do you see how like alcohol or drugs you are that same thing to your friends and/or your friends are that to you?
It's sad ... really sad to see how the world is progressively degenerating (on a path ... spiraling down with more and more entitlement). Really ... so we give people a "safety net" and what do people then want? They want more. That safety net then needs to cover the standard of living they desire.
We give medals to everyone who competes so no one feels bad. Nope, wouldn't want someone to feel bad for being sloppy, lazy, undisciplined and pathetic. Nope ... don't want that! People who feel bad ... it's not their fault ... the experts (who get paid more and more for messed up people) cry out. It's someone else's fault. It's the parents, government, friends, society some group of people that another group of people don't want. It's three or five generations past.
Ya ... that's the ticket. Let's give people free health care, free college, free food, free ... everything so we can draw them in ... seduce them ... to give us their lives and we don't have to work for anything. Surprise ... surprise ... when people get depressed ... WOW that's surprising, then we can pump them full of more entitlement where they become even more enslaved!?!?!
I'm entitled to have amazing feelings about myself ... and not even work for it!
Hmmm ... how did we get this way. Let's see ... how about waking up in the morning and getting the first cup of coffee ... because I need to feel energy. Yep ... pump the drug of caffeine in my brain ... to feel awake so I don't have to think about how amazing of a day it's going to be. I'll just trick my brain into thinking I have energy in the morning and then crash in the afternoon.
Hmmm ... how about even better than energy drinks or medication to give me an upper and then take melatonin or some other drug to get me to sleep at night?
If I feel bad, I'll either take medication or blame someone else for my feelings?
Hmmm ... is there some conspiracy going on here ... with BIG ... BIG Business, BIG Government, BIG Media, BIG pharma, BIG Education and yep ... even BIG Religion?
Let's add to the coffee, the energy drinks, the drugs / medication ... the entertainment industry and technology (gaming / social media), and even going to some type of spiritual service over the weekend where we don't really have to do anything ... other than "just show up" and we feel close to God and so spiritual ... and look forward to coming back next week? Our brains are pumped full of dopamine and all the other natural chemicals to the hilt and we become entitled to feelings ... we get without doing any of the hard work?
What's the answer ... what's the solution?
Great question! Right? Actually ... we don't know the answer! What ... do you think we think we are God? :-) Hmmm ... but .. maybe ... we could come together and figure out the answer? If you're serious ... we mean really serious ... not just a talker then complete the short on-line survey and then we'll talk. ~ click here ~
Hmmm ... You may not want to say you are a friend of Mark's?
"Wow ... this sound like a really healthy friendship. I wish I had a friend like Paul."
One of Mark's long-term "friendships"
It's hard to be friends with someone who is social autistic. Now ... is it harder to be friends with Mark or is it harder for Mark to be your friend? We're guessing that you think it's harder to be friends with Mark ... and in a way that's true.
Why?
It's because you have never had a friend like Mark before and ... well ... not being mean or anything, just being authentic, true to one's self ... :-) ... most of Mark's friends see to be very much like you. So ... you would think that it would be easier for Mark to be friends with you ... but ... well ... maybe not.
This is not saying that your friendship is like a dime a dozen or that you don't invest much into the friendship with Mark so you get out what you invest ... well ... being honest, you probably get far more out than you put in. Not saying you are a lazy ... :-)
Mark's youngest brother Ken and them Mark's son Ben separately shared with Mark .... "Mark I think you get hurt by people." Because ... well ... two people said it Mark is giving this some deep thought and consideration so ... he sent the following email to one of his friends of probably over 30 years. Mark isn't sure if his "friend" will even reply. Wow ... you may be saying ... "So some of Mark's friends don't even have the courtesy to reply."
This is a most interesting curious question email ...
Case Studies ... Communications
Now ... you like think that Mark is one strange guy. Trust us ... you are only seeing the tip of the iceberg as to how strange he is. I mean ... have you ever heard of a "high functioning alcoholic?" Mark may be one of the highest functioning mentally ill people you have ever met. What's strange is that he actually will share this with you. That's pretty strange! Right?
Case Study ~ A second conversation with Mark
Mark met Peter at church. Peter was lead by the Holy Spirit to come over and talk to Mark. They talked and then Peter and Mark both enjoyed it so much they decided to do a follow up Zoom call and both were delighted to have it recorded for your benefit. :-)
Hmmm ... Do churches ... Christians really want you to "come as you are?"
Hmmm ... Do Pastors / Christians really want any question?
Weekly Mastermind Calls
Mark attends a number of these calls. Find one that you may find some interest in and then join it. :-)
Life Masteries Institute hosts numerous mastermind calls each week for many different topics! If you have never been a part of a mastermind group...they are VERY different than a networking group! While networking groups give you a fish, mastermind groups help you learn how to fish by working on your biggest challenges!
Table Of Contents ~ Direct Links
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